Who Made These Rules Anyway

Amara

Alright, hello, hello, and welcome to the very first episode of ‘Respectfully... Nah’. I’m Amara, born and mostly raised in Brum, and I’m sitting here with—

Mina

Mina, hey! Also—can I just say, I love that you call it “Brum.” So official. Anyway, we’re here, and we’re about to get messy with these old-school rules.

Amara

Honestly, Mina, sometimes I just wanna ask, who made these rules? Like, why do we even have all these random dos and don’ts? It’s not just about forks and napkins, right?

Mina

Exactly. Like, Victorian England had ‘proper’ etiquette for literally everything. You could get in trouble for just glancing the wrong way at dinner. Meanwhile—in MY house—you break the silence over Sunday dinner, you get 'The Look'. But—when you think about it, a lot of these so-called social norms start from people needing some order. Or just, like, flexing who has the most power at the table.

Amara

Yeah, and so many of those rules are still about gender! Like, who serves food, who stays quiet—and it passes down, quietly, ’cause everyone just...keeps doing it. My nan, I swear, she’d lose her mind if she saw an elbow on the table. Like—she’d actually tap your hand with a spoon! It was serious business. But I’m still not sure what disaster was supposed to happen if I messed up that rule. Is the house gonna collapse ’cause I lean in?

Mina

Right? And then, half the time you ask, “why?” There’s no answer. “Just because, Mina!” That’s not an answer, grandma! It’s, like, these things get baked in so deep, it just feels right...until you wanna change it.

Amara

And you get the classic “We’ve always done it that way”—like, that actually helps. I dunno, sometimes it feels like the rules are there just to make you paranoid or to remind you who’s boss, especially if you grew up in a house with Very Strong Aunties. I’m just saying—

Mina

And, okay, some of these things are so out of pocket. Like, let’s talk being “ladylike”? Still a thing! But why’s no one policing “manners” for guys in the same way? I mean, c’mon.

Amara

Exactly! It’s like, we’re playing a game with rules nobody can actually see, but step outta line and suddenly—everybody’s a referee.

Mina

And speaking of referees—families just make up their own, too. Mine? Caribbean and Southern Black mashup. So, traditions on traditions on traditions. Every Sunday it’s a whole scene: grandma’s in the kitchen, my aunties are coordinating, gospel’s on blast. But women were expected to serve the men first. Always. As a kid, I was, like, “why doesn’t Uncle Keith get his own plate?” But you don’t ask that out loud…at least not if you want dessert.

Amara

Oh, I hear that! My family is this, like, Angolan flavor with Midlands manners all mixed up—my mum drilling me on “please and thank you” while my dad just vibes out to samba in the corner. It’s like a remix every holiday. But sometimes I wonder, does respecting your elders mean following every family rule exactly? Or is questioning it a sign of respect too? Maybe, you know, like…I care enough to ask for better.

Mina

See, my grandma would say “respect looks like listening.” But what she really means is “don’t talk back.” I tried to challenge the rule once—like, straight up, “Hey, maybe the women can eat hot food for once?” It was silent. And I mean, dead silent. You know that silence where you’re like, “is this how I die?”

Amara

Been there! You go quiet, just pushing peas round your plate. But honestly, sometimes questioning feels more loving than just accepting stuff, right? Like, I want this family to be good for everyone. But...old habits die hard, especially when there’s history. If the tradition goes back, like, three generations, breaking it feels almost...sacriligious?

Mina

Exactly! It’s complicated. Some days, these rituals make me feel rooted, connected; other days I want to just flip the table and start over. Maybe there’s a way to keep the memories without getting stuck in the rules. Or maybe that’s me being too optimistic...

Amara

Nah, I reckon you’re onto something. I love my nan’s sponge cake and all that, but maybe the real inheritance is giving the next gen permission to question stuff, not just to say, “yes, aunty, of course aunty.”

Mina

So, okay—let’s talk about these so-called “comebacks.” ’Cause now I’m seeing TikToks about “bringing back chivalry,” or, like, “soft life” everywhere? Y’all, be serious. Are we genuinely missing this stuff, or just making it look cute for the ’gram?

Amara

And don’t forget, meal prepping is suddenly the ultimate sign of adulthood. My mum sees a girl cooking three meals at once on Insta, she’s like, “Finally, young women are learning!” But is it about health or just feeding the nostalgia machine?

Mina

Right, but it’s wild how splitting the bill on a date is STILL a debate. Every week, someone’s on Twitter with “real men pay,” or, “if you go halves, that’s just friendship.” Where do you stand, Amara?

Amara

Honestly? I’m—I’m kind of flexible, like, if you invite me out, I clocked you might pay. But I don’t take offense splitting either, as long as it’s respectful. But the idea that it defines the whole vibe? That’s exhausting. Also, why am I never allowed to make the first move? I mean, do we not all have fingers to type “hey” or do I have to wait for a telegram?

Mina

No, I’m with you! If you wanna holla, holla. We’re out here making moves and paying rent—maybe we can handle saying hi first! But I get why these old-school things come back, though. Some folks want that structure, and some just want the aesthetic. Real retro, but with wi-fi and oat milk.

Amara

Yeah, basically “vintage values” with a side of Deliveroo. I guess the question is, are we actually reviving the good bits, or just remixing them for views? Maybe we’ll figure it out as we go through this series. But for now, let’s not take the internet too seriously. It’s not a real aunty, after all.

Mina

Definitely not. And listen, if your biggest rebellion is splitting the check or posting your lasagna prep, power to you. The world will keep spinning! Amara, this was fun—

Amara

So fun! Alright, we’ll be back next episode going even deeper. Until then, question the rules...or make your own, respectfully…nah.

Mina

I love it. Bye Amara—and bye everyone!

Amara

Bye, Mina.